In a stunning display of global unity, world leaders have convened to deliberate on the pressing issue of whether women’s soccer players should be granted permission to kick a ball during matches. The Women’s Soccer Word Cup, an event that only occurs once in a lifetime, has ignited an international debate about whether or not the beautiful game should be allowed to be played with actual gameplay.

“It’s a matter of great consequence,” proclaimed President Bureaucratus, who took a break from pushing paper to join the monumental discussion. “We must deliberate every detail to ensure that the sanctity of the sport is maintained.”

The global summit, held in a luxurious five-star hotel’s conference room, has brought together world leaders who have absolutely no prior experience in soccer, let alone women’s soccer. Despite this, they remain steadfast in their determination to decide the fate of the tournament.

“I’ve been practicing my referee whistle sound all morning,” chimed in Prime Minister Procrastinata, who is known for being excellent at avoiding decisions. “I must say, I’m quite prepared to blow the whistle on any unauthorized kicking.”

Meanwhile, activists and players themselves have expressed their concerns about the global discussion taking place without their input. Forward Extraordinaire, Soccerella Kickster, pointed out, “I’ve been practicing my bicycle kick for years, and now it’s as if the fate of my carefully honed skills lies in the hands of politicians who can’t even kick a can down the street.”

In the spirit of fairness, world leaders have also taken time to debate whether men’s soccer players should be allowed to run or use their heads to make contact with the ball. “We don’t want to appear biased,” President Bureaucratus explained, “so we’re considering applying these restrictions to all players, regardless of gender.”

As the summit continues, global citizens are left in suspense, wondering whether the Women’s Soccer Word Cup will feature any actual soccer or if the event will transition into a symposium on the philosophical implications of wearing shin guards.

With world leaders so invested in shaping the course of the tournament, the Women’s Soccer Word Cup could very well become the most talked-about sporting event without any actual sport. One thing is for sure – the world will be watching, whether they’re witnessing awe-inspiring goals or political debates on the proper curvature of a soccer ball.